Normalize Gathering Community in Radially Strategic, Meaningful, and Fun Ways
As an introvert who hates small talk and superficiality, I am very turned off by “typical” ways of socializing. Even a house party among friends of friends is about as appealing to me as a happy hour mixer or networking at a professional conference.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still show up with my warm and bubbly personality. I’ll likely even be the first to arrive and among the last to leave, but I often show up that way (despite my discomfort) because I love people and really love to meaningfully connect. I’ll make the most of it regardless, even if deep down I wish the circumstances were different.
I recognize this is a me-problem; not everybody needs a simple gathering to be grounded in a larger vision and become a thoughtfully designed production. Nevertheless, I’ve also come to accept that curating and facilitating more orchestrated, intentional gatherings is one of my love languages.
I’m especially thrilled that in the past week, I had the honor of celebrating TWO friends’ birthdays by creating unique experience as part of their respective birthday parties. They were different spaces and rich in their own ways, which I’ll say more about that in a bit, but one thing is for sure and confirmed: I don’t know what you get when you you take the traditional role of a “birthday clown” and rework it as a publicly-engaged, community-focused, queer feminist philosopher grounded in liberatory projects, but I am available for hire! This path is one I definitely want to continue pursuing — the path of expanding how we (like us, you and me!) practice being with each other by making space for us to be who we need in our local, everyday lives, including how we gather.
How did we get here?
For the past six years, I’ve intentionally transformed my birthdays into opportunities to try out weird ideas and explore different ways of playing and connecting, which is just to say, I have been gearing up for this career expansive moment. Let my personal (and professional?) development of party-making serve as yet another example of what a very astute, former advisor/mentor/professor likely meant when she said, “The thing about Cori is that, wherever she’s going, she’s already there.”
I’ll give you some examples, starting with the most intelligible into nods toward the more eccentric.
There was my birthday in 2023, when I rented out a local rollerskating rink for my “Sing and Skate Along Party,” which combined the best parts of some of my favorite things: 1) belting out all (and only) karaoke crowd-pleaser without having any awkward lulls or waits between bangers (added bonus: I was the DJ so the playlist was *terrific*) and 2) dancing and flowing on quad skates in the spaciousness of an open rink without crowds or daredevil showoffs weaving about (added bonus: making my inner child very happy after all those afternoons on rollerblades pretending I was landing triple-toe-loops like Kristi Yamaguchi). From the high-concept, askesis-oriented “Excellently Embodied Dance Party for Self-Overcoming” (2024) to the most recent “Queer Table Read of ‘When Harry Met Sally’” (2025), I lean way into making birthdays an excuse to do something fun that I love while gathering in ways that are a little out of the ordinary (and don’t rely on so much unstructured “chatting”).
Oh, and here’s a fun fact: I actually debuted my idea of “For the Love of Strangers” among a small group of friends (and, oddly enough, one uninvited stranger) in the balcony of a local coffee shop as, you guessed it, my birthday party. That was in 2022. And if you’re wondering about virtual celebrations, yeah, I did that in 2021, too. Pandemic of not, it’s fun to come up with thoughtful ways connect people who otherwise couldn’t be in the same room at the same time.
(By the way, if you’ve been paying attention week after week in these updates, I did mention a several weeks ago that I already have a big idea for my 40th birthday this summer…which means this is the longest head start I’ve ever had on inspiration for a party. Yes, I’m excited.)
What’s In a Birthday Party?
While I believe it’s completely appropriate to offer experimental spaces and “experience containers” regardless of what day it is, birthdays and other special occasions are ideal for beginners who are curious about the real power of community and what else might be possible when we gather together. Unlike other holidays, there aren’t so many heavy cultural traditions to buck or challenge or accommodate. And since they are so personal, you can make a birthday party whatever you want it to be, incorporating your own traditions and rituals, however best suits your desires and dreams.
Most importantly, there’s a bit of strategy behind rethinking how we go about birthdays (and other personally meaningfully dates) by inviting your people and community into a shared experience that can open onto fresh new ways of relating because, let’s be honest, they may be less inclined to participate if it weren’t for that extra energy a birthday carries. When it’s your birthday, you can employ a tiny measure of soft coercion, the kind that subtly communicates, “It’s my party and I’ll do what I want to….and, if you love me, please join me!” In this case, a bit social pressure goes a long way. I’ve even been known to include language like, “your participation is the only gift I want!” (You have permission to use that one on your invite, if you like.)
The Joy of Gathering with Your Friends’ Communities
January 2026 felt like a decade unto itself. In my personal life, those first few weeks of the year continued to draw out a series of unanticipated endings, rejections, and, of course, the grief that comes along with such things. I described feeling like I was moving down a long, narrow hallway lined with doors on either side, and as I walked along, the doors just kept closing. I don’t know how long this hallway is or exactly where it’s going, but I feel like I’m still in it and quite aware that there’s only one way to go — still forward.
That's why the two parties of this past week were extra special. They were a bright spot that reminded me of just how important it is to take advantage of what we have (each other) and create spaces to connect, even (and especially!) in these conditions. Also, it’s a real treat to meet new people who love the same people you love.
Radically Together: Strengthening Our Connective Tissue
In this Live Weekly Update, I shared more about Hannah’s birthday and the process we moved through. She wanted to bring the awesome people in her life together so they could meet each other. More than a good time, there was strategy at play here.
“Strengthening Our Connective Tissue” is her language, and it expresses her intent to courage new relationships across discrete social groups. She wanted the various pockets of her numerous friends to meet each other and, ideally, forge new bonds. If a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, a network is made more durable by increasing the points of overlapping connections. That makes sense.
I added the dimension of how to meet each other from a place of liberation, grounded in radical imagination and with an appreciation for what is possible within elegant ecosystems of abundance.
What would it look and feel like if we met each other and we were free? How would you do your work? Who would you get to be?
Imagine if we expedited our reasons for liking and loving each other by meeting one another with our best parts forward. Imagine if we forged new connections by being able to see and support the parts that we want to have grown and nurtured in community. Now practice it!
“Getting to Third Space” — Special Edition of “For the Love of Strangers” at Quince Coffee House in Denver, CO
Right after recording this livestream I quickly gathered myself to drive to Denver. It was a big day! And in my next update, I’ll touch on how wonderful it was to do a special birthday edition of “For the Love of Strangers” for one of my best friends and co-owner of Quince Coffee House, a sweet little spot that emanates intersectional community solidarity.
It was incredible to share “For the Love of Strangers” with a brand new audience and curate a dynamic, thoughtful, and generous community experience that was playfully anchored in the theme, “Getting to Third Space.” I was so excited to share this container with strangers who love one of my favorite people, love Quince, and/or love me and hadn’t been able to make a show in 2025. (Turns out, we ended up introducing and overlapping more spheres of wonderful community peeps, too!)
I know I declared the finale of this show back in December, but this was easily one of the best “For the Love of Strangers" yet! And it was so good, we might just do more of them in the future. There is something undeniably awesome about cramming a crowd of almost entirely queer, trans, and/or people of color into a tiny room of a local coffee shop and getting them to laugh, think, share, and connect with each other in this wildly unique way. I loved every second of it. Based on the immediate feedback, everyone else did, too.
If there was any doubt, I highly recommend hosting this or something like it as a party for you and your friends. Verified date of birth not required. Let’s make special occasions happen simply based on when we want them, you feel me?
Alright, well, since I read so much from it, here’s the page from Hannah’s party that I referenced in the livestream. I’m clearly still very much on my Audre Lorde’s “Uses of the Erotic” fixation and That Baldwin Quote. Maybe that will never change.
If you want to explore ideas about experience containers that could elevate your own special gatherings with community, reach out! Let’s do something. And if you wanna love on this meta philosophical performance artist, there are many ways to do that (including buying me a “coffee”) on my website: coriwong.com. :)
